Designer: manikka
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"betrayal full of trust."

you know those times when you just feel like sitting in a corner and cry your lungs out?




somehow the internet's okay. maybe god wanted me to let this out? iunno. i just feel so frustrated with my life. ouh, and if you hate emo entries, i advise you not to carry on reading.

i love her.
fuck all the rest.
she's been the one through all these times.
girl, i miss those outings..
just us two.




that's besides the point.
i typed a whole long entry before this.
but i guess that entry was a bit too emotional.
iunno. i don't want to seem all pathetic.
i've always hated myself being so.

so.
i'll try making this entry a notch happier?
yeah.





dad?
is he even alive?
i wanted to ask him something.
but i realise it's better keeping it to myself.
i've been keeping everything to myself anyways.
i wouldn't even cope if he wasn't around.
and some still believe that i snatched him away from her?
thanks; i've been crying since noon.
it hurts. a lot. yes, it does.


mum's stitches are scary.
it's the length of my index finger.
i cringe in fear as i watch it getting re-dressed.
it's my turn the next.
kakak will faint at its sight.

it feels like everything's on my shoulders at home.

AND FUCK I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE AN ADULT OR SOMEBODY ELSE WHO THINKS YOU SUFFER WORST THAN ME. THIS IS ME I'M TALKING ABOUT. IT'S WHAT I CAN OR CANNOT HANDLE. AND FUCK, THIS IS IT. I CAN'T HANDLE NO MORE. OKAY? IT'S NOT ABOUT COMPARISON ANYMORE. I'M FUCKING TIRED OF COMPARING. IT'S ONLY BROUGHT ME MORE UNHAPPINESS. FUCK. THIS IS ME. I DON'T CARE IF PEOPLE CAN GET THROUGH THIS. CAUSE I FUCKING CAN'T.



ahh.. yes..
can i walk out the door and never come back? and maybe i shouldn't head for school either, cause everything just seems wrong there. i've had enough of politics. i admit, i can't handle a shit out of it. i don't think it's wise for me to head to his house either, cause he's just better for her? dammit. i don't fucking know.


iunno.
should i let you go again?
should i just be independent?
the way he taught me to be?
am i supposed to be alone?
must i resort to such negative means?
fuck, dammit, i don't fucking know.
dammit dammit dammit!




i don't even know if i can trust you anymore.. can somebody just freaking call me up and just fucking hear MY SIDE instead of the rest? why must you and you and you be so shallow-minded and self-centred? huh? cause it's the "in" thing? ughs.



i don't feel like doing anything.
mummy has a lot of medication.
shall i share her burden?


joke of the day!
nabil: sharifah, don't touch my tralala.
nabil again: and my ding ding dong.

hahahahahahaha.


goodbye.

p/s: sorry if it's still too emo. i tried my best.