Designer: manikka
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"even if you cannot hear my voice.."

i'll sing it one last time for you
then we really have to go
you've been the only thing that's right
in all i've done

and i can barely look at you
but every single time i do
i know we'll make it anywhere
anyway from here

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear

louder louder
and we'll run for our lives
i can hardly speak i understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

to think i might not see those eyes
makes it so hard not to cry
and as we say our long goodbye
i nearly do

light up, light up
as if you have a choice
even if you cannot hear my voice
i'll be right beside you dear

louder louder
and we'll run for our lives
i can hardly speak i understand
why you can't raise your voice to say

slower slower
we don't have time for that
i just want to find an easier way
to get out of our little heads

have heart my dear
we're bound to be afraid
even if it's just for a few days
making up for all this mess

~ run, snow patrol




i hope everything goes well for her. i actually cried while listening to this song just now. cause there are so many possiblitiles. i love her so much. does she know that? does she know that i'd still put her above everything else, given the chance?

i was going through the list of consequences and i just started tearing. i can't stand it anymore. 10 august is the big day.. fuck why does it come so fast? hah.. and to think that tomorrow is her birthday.. [rather, today, cause it's already 12.13am.] i don't want to cry. i don't want to cry. i don't want to cry.


and to you:
i don't know why you should be jealous of me.
i'm definitely not perfect.
heck, i'm not even close.
it hurts me the way you spread those rumours of me.
yeah, i know, rumours are common.
but i'm still human.
and they hurt me.
a lot.
so maybe if you want to be on par with me.
you should train harder instead of holding a grudge against me.
it's not as though it would make you a better person. kan?
so open your eyes.
and take your stinking words back.
cause we both know that none of them are true.
thanks.




you know, sometimes, you keep telling yourself that you have to push harder to achieve something you really, really want?? but it seems like the harder you push, the more you get stuck? yeah. i'm suffering from that phase now. and i think it's kinda bad. fuck. i'd better stop crying. wahahaa..

there's photo-taking later and i don't want my eyes to look as though they got stung by bees. nyehahaha. how dreadful. may i skip the photo-taking part please? T_T



where are those who understand me the most when i need them urgently? where are they now when these tears are flowing out non-stop and there's nothing i can do about it, when i was there for them when they were hurting the most? why does it seem like we know nothing about each other right now.. nothing at all?


i miss my family.
both literally, and non-literally.
literally - mummy, brother, sister. dad? =/
non-literally - sap, mimi, yayat, jummy.



mummy, would you please let me be a small child again? let me go back to those days when chocolate-flavoured dumex milk powder was my favourite drink? i want to re-live those memories that seem so insignificant yet tell of an endless story. ah, damn.. i wish time didn't pass so fast..




"why are there lines on her wrist?
she trying to kill herself ah?"
*speechless*



haiz.
goodbye.

p/s: sorry sap sayang. cause i'm still not asleep. much sorry..