Designer: manikka
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"okay, fuck now i REALLY feel like crying."

okay... so i thought life was going great.
i really thought so.



but reading ju's blog made me tear.
yeah, i'm meeting her later.
i know i shouldn't show it to her.
but really. i can't help but feel emotional.
i won't show it to her.
i'll just wait til she reads this.
ouh, and sap too.

boyfie:
if you're reading this kan, please try to understand kay. i love you a lot tau. really really a lot. but you have to make me happy kan? arghs.. i'll explain more when we talk keh boyfie? *hearts*


yeah.
i know how much i've changed. before boyfie came, the three of us were so god damn close to each other. i know i said that if i chose him, our threesome friendship would really be affected, but i thought you'd understand that the only reason why i made the decision to get attached is because i knew that i needed to do something. fast. i didn't want to hurt nobody anymore. hurting people hurts me. get it?!

you all speak as though it was easy for me to choose.

make use of him, dump him aside, and runaway with boyfie.

it's not as simple as it seems. or rather, it's not as simple as all of you assume for it to be.


dammit.

boyfie came, and everything changed. i know. i know i've been spending A LOT of time with boyfie, and not with you guys. i know i've been spending too much time with boyfie, and not with divya or hidayah or priscilla. i know i've been too busy with boyfie that i haven't been close to my dance friends as much.

i'm aware, okay?
but sacrifices have to be made.
they really have to.

people should just wake up and realise that it's impossible for HIM and me to be together. don't ask why ju. i know that you know the MANY reasons that i can list down for you right now. i just want us to be as close as we were in the past.

continue the platonic best-friendship.


is that even possible?


if the two of you claim that you're my bestfriends, prove it to me. i know that sap's been suffering a lot for us, i know that ju has too.. maybe... just maybe.. the two of you have forgotten the things that i've gone through for the two of you..? =/



i cried a whole lot yesterday.
i bet you guys didn't even know.
but seriously, that's not the point.




i love you guys. i really do. but i'm stuck. i'd do anything for you guys. and i can honestly say that i'd still put the two of you before boyfie. but the two of you god damn know very well that the PLATONIC LOVE we have for each other just isn't the same as the love that boyfie and i have.

'nuff said.

maybe it's best that i leave now.. rather than later.. don't you think, sap?


and ouh sap..?
it's no use asking me not to feel guilty.
the guilt that's running through my heart know, it's overwhelming. it's not because of you. maybe it's just because of me. it's not your fault. don't go breaking down on me now. cause i absolutely HATE it when you do that.

maybe you didn't realise..
that's it's fucking hard for me too..



sapjushai.
bestfriends forever..

goodbye..
[shouldn't be this hard.]

p/s: thanks boyfie. thanks for understanding..