Designer: manikka
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"expectations.."

did i mention that i've deleted all my other blogs..?


well, yeah.
so i have.


31 december 2006.
if nothing happens by that day, this oath shall be broken. the priceless oath that we had made. when i was in your arms; when you pronounced us husband and wife. i didn't realise that i came in between the both of you. i'll be happy because i no longer owe you two anything. anything at all. =)

you've made a choice.
live with it. =)


spent a lot of time with a dear best friend yesterday.
shall not say where we went, but it was nice. =)
i treasure her so much, cause she's always been there for me.
i'll never forget her. never at all. ;D
best friends forever and ever and ever! haha. xD


went home at 9.30pm.
i was cold.
i didn't eat.
slept on the cold floor.
crying.
crying.
crying.


he tried to bring me back.
but.. we both know that i'll never be back unless they drift apart. and somehow, i don't want to see that happen. a friend of mine once said this.. "even if you love somebody real bad, it doesn't mean that you have to have him" love, is when you want the best for that somebody. =) i don't want to be a reason for their break up. even if he wants me real bad. i don't want to be the next her. a phobia.. she broke my family up.. i don't want to be like her. =/

not at all.



i did a lot of soul-searching yesterday night. i realise that the closer you get to somebody, the higher your expectations of that somebody becomes. you'll want more from that person. you'll expect more.. and of course, you'd get hurt real bad if you don't get it. thus..

i don't expect anything from you anymore.
you shouldn't expect anything from me either.

i have many close guy-friends.
because of this, i need to be strong.
i have to learn how to differentiate the feeling of love, infatuation, crush, obsession and like. [it's going to be very hard. haha.]
i'll keep all my guy-friendships platonic.
afterall, i've made a $10 bet with yohannis. ;D


i'm going to concentrate on my life. i've to learn how to love myself.. and trust me, that love is slowly building up.. slowly.. but surely.. =) i don't want to go through any bgr-shit anymore. it's energy-draining. and it always leaves me heartbroken, trying to mend my heart alone.

ouh by the way.
my best friend told me a lot of stuff about him yesterday... i felt guilty. i never expected him to be so loyal to me.. and because of this, i do not want any guy to fall for me. not right now. not ever. whether you like me for my appearance, or for my attitude.. a request from me. please, do not like me.

i can't bear to hurt anybody anymore.
because i know how it feels like to be hurt.
i don't want you to go through that too.

i'm just another passing cloud. one that will fall as rain and disappear from your life forever.. a boy once said that i was the only girl who had the key to his heart. he made me promise that i give the key to my heart to him. i promised. time slowly passed and i made a choice. i gave the key to his heart to another, and he returned me the key to my heart. now, i keep my key dear to my heart and i refuse to let anybody get hold of it. and the boy..? heh. the boy and the other live happily ever after. =)


i've grown a lot.
and there's so much more.
i have to learn.

i'll make that dream come true.. just wait and see. i won't disappoint them. i'll make my mother proud of me. i'll be that independent girl i never knew i could be.

expectations of myself...
i'll live up to them.

hahaha.
goodbye. =)