Designer: manikka
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6

"let's get fucked up and die"

let's get fucked up and die
i'm speaking figuratively, of course
like the last time that i committed suicide.. social suicide
yeah, so i'm already dead
on the inside but i can still pretend
with my memories and photographs
i have learned to love the lie

i wanna know what it's like to be awkward and innocent
not belligerent
i wanna know how it feels to be useful and pertinent
and have common sense.. yeah
let me in, let me in to the club, cause i wanna belong
and i need to get strong, and if memory serves
i'm addicted to words and they're useless

in this department
let's get fucked up and die
i'm riding hard on the last lines of every lie
and the BMX bike of my life is about to explode
i'm about to explode
i'm a mess, i'm a wreck
i am perfect, and i have learned to accept
all my problems and short comings
cause i am so visceral, yet deeply inept

i want to thank you for being a part of my
forget-me-nots and marigolds
and all the things that don't get old
is it legal to do this, i surely don't know
it's the only way i have learned to express myself
through other peoples' descriptions of life
i'm afraid i'm alone and entirely useless

in this department
let's get fucked up and die
for the last time with feeling
we'll try not to smile
as we cover our heads and drink heavily into the nights
that still shock and surprise
i believe that i can
overcome this and beat everything in the end
but i choose to abuse for the time being
maybe i'll win, but for now i've decided to die

sister soldier
you've been such a positive influence on my mental frame
if i could ever repay you
i would, but i'm hard up for cash
and my memory lacks initiative

god damn the liquor store's closed
we were so close to scoring
it hurts, it destroys 'til it kills
i am tired and hungry and totally useless
in this department

~ l.g. fuad [motion city soundtrack]




the last day of school.
and i cried till that effing pain in my head grew unbearable.
i swear i felt guilty.
for everything i've done.
for everything i know i'm doing wrong.
for hating you.


dear dad,

i'm sorry i'm not perfect.
i can't take a maths. i'm sorry.
i'm sorry i'm not as smart as taufiq.
i know i've made mistakes.
but it is only human to err.
give me encouragement.
don't bring me down.
i'm going through enough.
please.

- your daughter.



i want to cry. i want to stand on the top of the world and shout my lungs out. i want to speak profanities to you freely. i want to be your friend. i want to sleep forever.

uh huh.
they're just wants.
not needs or necessities.
that's what you'd say.
yeah. what you'd say. =/



i have no idea what i'm blogging about. umm, maybe i do. i guess only divya knows. i felt very alone in class just now. very. very very. =/ loads of thanks to rifhan, nadiah and divya for trying to cheer me up. so sweet. =)

i'm going to miss 2/5e.
yet those words had to ruin everything.
i regret crying just now.
my eyes hurt like hell, okay? T_T



i'm going to work.
i'm going to get money.
i'm going to be independent.
i'm not going to ask YOU for money anymore.
since you won't give me money, i'll go work for it myself.

i will not die without you.
i've lived without you for 10 years.

blahs.




goodbye.


p/s: happy 16th birthday ash! =)