Designer: manikka
Resources: 1 2 3 4 5 6

"a.s.s."

T_T




for your information: i do NOT harm myself for attention. i may have used to, in the past, but not anymore. isn't anybody realising that i just don't care what happens to me anymore? do you seriously think a person who is mentally and emotionally unstable would possess the ability to think about words of wisdom and good advice and positivity??

if that is possible, would people even think about suicide?
=__________='''

i'm a human.
i'm a girl.
i'm very sensitive.

there's a limit to how much i can take. i may not tell you what's wrong and you can't blame me. accept the fact that TRUST takes a long time to build up and once you've abused MY trust, it's just not possible that i trust you a 100% anymore. i've warned all of you. if you've betrayed my trust, the only possible way for you to get it back is by leaving me alone. for quite a while.

and gosh!
it's NOT entirely because of them, okay?!



hmpfh.

you keep nagging, insulting me and you say i love him more, but that's NOT the case. you know it. yet you keep wanting me to do things that i can't be doing. i have to talk to him. i have to love him. i have to respect him. you know that. if i don't do any of these things i may go to HELL. that is not what you would want to happen to me if you TRULY loved me.. but i know you truly love me.. i'm just not seeing it. i really just don't.

and you. you keep saying i spend more time with her. isn't it inevitable? i am LIVING with her. which means sleeping in the same house and breathing the same air. wouldn't it be strange if i spent more time with you? especially because you live so far away? and you WOULDN'T be living far from me if you hadn't left me.. if you hadn't left us, for her. i don't blame her entirely. i blame you too. i guess you haven't realised that, have you?


yes, you two have raised me and it has been hard on the two of you these 14 years. but adults aren't always right. i'm big enough to know that. they just know more.

whatever it is, i love you.
the both of you.
it may not be equal love.
but i do love the both of you.
and i'm truly sorry.
for making you worry about me.
i really am.
forgive me.


haiz.
i'd rather keep things to myself.
i just need to know i'm loved.
by others, if not them.






on a MUCH brighter note, selamat berpuasa to every muslim out there. i'd like to seek forgiveness for any wrong i've done, for all the worrying you've done for me. it's a new pure month; let's make the best of it. =)

p.s. : my niece. her name is sharifah khalisah. that's such a beautiful name. abang says she looks exactly like me when i was a baby. i long to hold her in my arms. i just don't know if i can. life can be so beautiful. we just need to look at it in a different angle.